The Role of Mentorship in Guiding Boys to Manhood (Helping Teens Adhere to Positive Social Norms)
It’s understood that both nature and nurture play a role in how people develop. There are some inherent biological inclinations, but our DNA doesn’t define us. So, what does make a definable difference? Being in a healthy environment and surrounded by positive influences and role models results in a significantly higher chance of living a healthier, successful, happy life.
Unfortunately, not all young people, especially young boys, have the opportunity to interact with an older mentor in a healthy way. All too often, young people lack this type of positive influence in their lives. In fact, more than one in three (35%) young adults say they grew up without the support of any mentor, according to The Annie E. Casey Foundation. This can inhibit their growth, put them on a negative or destructive path, and cause them to indulge in poor habits.
By surrounding a young man with the right kind of influence and positive reinforcement, they learn to prioritize healthy choices and habits that prepare them to become productive, contributing members of society. While mentorship’s benefits are clear, it’s not always easy for adolescents to find a readily available positive influence.
Mentorship by the Numbers
85% of young people with a mentor say this key relationship has helped them with issues related to school and their education.
58% of young people say their mentor has supported their mental health.
60% of those under 40 years old are still drawing advice from their childhood mentors.
SOURCE: The 2023 Mentor Study
At The Carpenter Shed, we specialize in helping young men find a sense of purpose, meaning, and direction. We’ve found that by guiding them as they move toward adulthood and encouraging them to pursue what they’re passionate about, they’re much more likely to avoid negative situations and common adolescent pitfalls. Meaningful mentorship takes a certain type of approach, though. We approach mentoring with a mindset of understanding. Rather than punishment or taking away privileges, we’re able to pare back the unnecessary distractions and get to the root of what is causing these young men to act out in the first place.
Why Do Teen Boys Neglect Moral Values in the First Place?
From an early age, we begin to learn right from wrong. Sharing, taking turns, treating others with respect — they’re instilled in us as early as preschool. So, what makes some young men turn their backs on what they’re taught?
Most adolescents who come into our program have dealt with some sort of trauma, whether at home, school, or in the community where they were raised. Since boys are often taught to hide their emotions and deal with things on their own, it can be incredibly difficult for them to break free from past traumatic events. When something traumatic does happen, they’re not equipped to handle it, either through a lack of understanding, limited life experience, or simply being afraid to admit they’re struggling.
Luckily, with our team of trained experts and counselors, we know how to help them address past pain and trauma, so they can confront it and move forward, this time equipped with the tools needed to successfully navigate the world.
Potential Stressors That Hinder Boys and Hurt Peer Relationships
Each of us is unique with our own story and experiences, but there are some common situations shared by young men who find themselves heading down a negative path. They include:
Physical Abuse: When males are victims of physical abuse, it’s frequently at the hands of a family member or guardian. The injuries sustained aren’t just physical, though. The resulting emotional trauma leaves sufferers with issues managing emotions, which inhibits healthy emotional growth. Only knowing violence, and especially being on the receiving end of it, leads to negative situations and difficulty coping in acceptable ways.
Sexual Abuse: While it may be more common to hear about female victims of sexual abuse, men experience sexual abuse as well. In fact, studies show that 28.5% of men in the United States have experienced sexual assault, physical violence, or stalking. Men may be even more hesitant than women to report this type of abuse. Instead, they internalize the pain or self-medicate with harmful habits like drugs, alcohol, and other types of dopamine hits to deal with it.
Depression and Mental Health Issues: These may develop as a result of the aforementioned stressors or on their own, but whatever the cause, they can create turmoil in a young person’s life. Young boys and men especially have a hard time with these conditions because there can be tremendous pressure for males to appear “manly,” not showing any weakness. Many men internalize their struggles and shy away from telling the people who could provide help. Ultimately, like with physical and sexual abuse, this can lead them to unhealthy situations and habits in an attempt to control negative symptoms.
Familial Issues: In many cases young boys find themselves indulging in negative things to numb the sting from a divorce or issues within the family system. Many children and teenagers internalize the idea that it’s somehow their fault or simply struggle to grapple with the idea of parents splitting up. Dealing with something that heavy and emotional at such a young age is difficult to handle. Trying to cope on their own can lead to destructive habits that follow them into adulthood.
General Teen Angst, Hormones, and Trouble Managing Emotions: Cliches become cliches for a reason. Teenage angst and the general struggles of being that age can cause issues on their own, regardless of whether or not they’re dealing with trauma from other sources. When you add external trauma to the regular adolescent brain, it makes situations worse.
Unfortunately, these situations are incredibly common, and all too often lead teens and young men down a path of self-medicating or other negative habits. This means they often fall prey to distractions that stunt growth and keep them from finding their purpose and passion.
However, by having a positive mentor or role model, boys and young men can start to find the right path and move toward being productive members of society. Young men are heavily influenced by their environment. While they’re so busy looking at what’s around them, having someone to look up to can make a world of difference. Simply witnessing positive examples can help improve a teen’s situation. This is especially true for those growing up in rougher environments where they don't feel free to be themselves, show vulnerability, or ask for help.
Mentorship Programs: How Father Figures Can Help Boys Become Men
There are numerous ways that a positive influence in a young man’s life can help him become a well-adjusted adult. Here are some ways a positive mentor can make a difference:
Expanding the Options: All too often, many young men don’t know there are different ways to live outside of the way they grew up. If they’re in a bad situation, they may think they have to stay there and start to mimic that way of living, even when it doesn’t make them happy. By having a role model, they are able to see alternative ways of living that are healthier.
Instilling Positive Reinforcement: Perhaps one of the biggest benefits of mentorship is how it can help boys realize their potential through positive reinforcement. By having someone in their lives (in some cases for the first time), young men can learn confidence, self-respect, and start to realize they do have what it takes to succeed. It sounds simple, but hearing from a role model that you can achieve your dreams makes all the difference in the world.
Positive Masculinity and Fighting Negative Social Influences: There’s a major epidemic right now for boys. The internet is rife with personalities promoting toxic masculinity and misogynistic views that can affect how a young man views the world. By having a mentor, adolescents can start to view the world in a healthier way and counteract these negative trains of thought.
Developing Personal Integrity and Distinguishing Right from Wrong: The environments many boys grow up in don’t properly equip them to distinguish good from bad. It’s often a blur with adults looking out for themselves exclusively, leaving those who look up to them to fend for themselves, often unsuccessfully. With a mentor, young men can develop healthy morals, learn to distinguish right from wrong, and become better humans as a result.
Finding a Passion: Having a mentor means support in daily life, not just a new influence. With that comes an opportunity to discover new hobbies and talents, including something they might want to pursue long-term. Oftentimes, people are so concerned about alleviating pain that they don’t get the opportunity to discover the things that excite or inspire them. Mentors can help their mentees realize what they want their life to be about once pain isn’t completely consuming them. This is often when people start to really discover new aspects of themselves. And once they have a way of passing time positively, they can begin obsessing over this new hobby and direction, which can be a gamechanger for a young man who previously felt misguided.
The Carpenter Shed Mentorship Programs Can Help a Young Man in Your Life
If you know an adolescent male that could use a mentor, The Carpenter Shed can help. We strive to make a difference in the lives of young men 16-20, helping them find a sense of purpose, meaning, and direction. Contact us today if you’d like to set up an appointment with admissions. We know that we can help a young man in your life make a new start.
