Future Focus: Making a Plan, Setting Goals, Choosing a Career
It’s a question we hear again and again from a very early age: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Maybe you're 18 now and you still have no clue. Or maybe you're 20 and still living at home, watching your friends seem to have it all figured out while you're stuck scrolling through your phone at 2 AM wondering what's wrong with you.
Here's the thing—there's nothing wrong with you. And you're definitely not the only one feeling this way.
"I basically spent two years hiding in my room, convinced I was the only one who felt this lost about everything. When I finally started showing up to group, I met this guy Jake who seemed like he had his life together. Turns out he'd been exactly where I was just a few years ago. Same anxiety, same feeling like everyone else got some instruction manual that I missed. But he didn't just say 'It gets better'—he actually showed me. For the first time, I had guys who actually got it. They didn't tell me to just 'man up' or whatever. They got that sometimes you need someone to believe you can do it before you believe it yourself." — Marcus, 19
At The Carpenter Shed, we meet young men every day who've been labeled as "failing to launch" or told they're stuck in some kind of extended adolescence. But here's what we already understand: you've got everything you need to build a meaningful, purpose-driven life. Sometimes you just need to know where to start. Our approach isn't about fixing what's "broken" — it's about helping you discover what's possible.
Why Most Goal-Setting Advice Misses the Mark
You've probably heard all the standard advice about setting goals. Make a vision board! Write down your dreams! Follow your passion! And if you're like most guys dealing with anxiety, depression, or just general confusion about life, that advice probably made you feel worse, not better.
Goal setting is important because it gives you direction when everything feels chaotic. But here's the real kicker question: Why is it important to set realistic goals? Because setting yourself up to fail just reinforces that voice in your head telling you you're not capable of much.
Instead, here’s what actually works: specific, realistic goals beat vague dreams every time. Instead of "I want to get in shape," try "I'm going to do 20 push-ups every morning before I check my phone." Instead of "I want to be more social," try "I'm going to join one club this semester and actually show up to meetings."
Goal setting theory shows us that our brains are wired to focus on what we write down and commit to. It's not magic—it's just how your mind works. When you use something simple like a goal setting worksheet or goal setting template, you're basically giving your brain a roadmap instead of leaving it to wander around in circles. But here's the thing—it takes time for your brain to get used to new habits, usually a couple of months. And you'll mess up along the way. Everybody does. That's not failure, that's just how learning works.
The truth is, a lot of guys your age struggle with this stuff because:
You've been protected from real challenges, so you don't know what you're actually capable of
Everything moves so fast online that thinking long-term feels impossible
Most of the "successful" guys you see don't talk about their struggles or failures
If you're dealing with trauma or mental health stuff, it's hard to think clearly about anything, let alone your future
But here's what happens when guys start taking action in community with other men — they realize the stories they've been telling themselves aren't true. They discover they're way more capable than they thought. This kind of experiential growth changes everything.
Finding Your Direction: Three Things That Actually Work
1. Getting to Know Yourself Through Doing Stuff
Forget about taking another personality quiz. Instead of trying to think your way to clarity, try your way there. Pick something that sounds even slightly interesting and commit to it for a month. Volunteer somewhere. Learn to fix something. Join a gym or a club. Network through your socials. Start a side hustle.
Yeah, doing an honest skill assessment like the O-net Interest Profiler, among many free online resources, can help you establish a starting block and set realistic expectations. But the goal isn't to have it all figured out, it's to start moving and pay attention to what feels right.
While it might seem a little cheesy, some guys find it helpful to create a goal-setting vision board — not just about career stuff, but about the kind of person they want to become. Don’t like the term “vision board”? That fine, it's basically a visual reminder for when motivation runs low (and it will).
2. Getting Real Experience That Actually Builds You Up
This is where a lot of goal-setting advice falls short. It's not just about career advancement or landing the perfect job. It's about finding opportunities that require you to show up consistently and push through when things get uncomfortable.
Toward that end, look for work, internships, or volunteer gigs where people are counting on you. Aim for places that allow you to explore potential careers, where you'll develop leadership qualities not because someone gave you a title, but because you learned to solve problems and help others do the same.
Physical work can be especially powerful — construction, landscaping, maintenance, whatever. There's something about seeing immediate, tangible results from your effort that builds confidence in a way that's hard to fake.
3. Connecting with Men Who've Been Where You Are
This isn't about networking for your career — it's about finding guys who can show you what healthy, purposeful manhood actually looks like. Whether it's through The Carpenter Shed, a mentorship opportunity, a sports team, or just older guys at work or church who seem to have their act together — make connections. Isolation keeps you stuck. Community helps you grow.
Goals That Actually Matter
Rather than trying to impress anyone else, focus on becoming the kind of man you'd respect. What kind of person do you want to be? Here are some goals you can set and achieve that really matter:
1. Becoming Someone Others Can Count On
Leadership qualities aren't about being the loudest guy in the room or having all the answers. They're about doing what you say you'll do, especially when it's hard. Start small — if you tell your mom you'll clean the garage this weekend, actually do it. These small acts of integrity add up and build the foundation for bigger responsibilities.
2. Getting Comfortable with Technology (But Not Controlled by It)
Digital literacy is non-negotiable these days, but it's not just about knowing how to use apps. It's about using technology purposefully instead of letting it use you. The goal is to leverage technology to build the life you want, not escape from the life you're avoiding. Boom! Read that again.
3. Being Honest About Where You Are (Without Being Brutal)
Look, being honest with yourself doesn't mean tearing yourself down. It's more about getting real with your strengths and the stuff you need to work on, then actually making a plan to get better at those things.
Here's the thing, though: Figuring out where you actually stand has gotten way harder thanks to social media. Everyone's posting their wins, their perfect moments, their big achievements. Meanwhile, you're seeing your own messy reality and thinking you're behind. Remember: comparing your everyday life to everyone else's highlight reel is totally unfair and counterproductive to forward momentum.
So, ignore the Instagram version of success and focus on your actual situation. What are you genuinely good at? What do you like doing? Where do you consistently struggle? What have teachers, bosses, or people you trust told you about your abilities? That real feedback matters way more than trying to measure up to some filtered version of everyone else's life.
Your Next Move (Because Sitting Still Isn't Working)
You don't need to have everything figured out to start moving forward. The goal isn't to eliminate all struggle from your life — it's to develop the strength and skills to handle whatever comes your way.
Start where you are, not where you think you should be. If you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or addiction, don't wait until you're "fixed" to start setting goals. Begin with small stuff that builds momentum.
Pick one area where you've been stuck. Maybe it's fitness, maybe it's learning a skill, maybe it's just getting out of the house more. Choose one concrete step you can take this week, then find someone who will hold you accountable and ask whether you did it … next week.
Remember that becoming a man isn't about perfection, it's about direction. Every step forward, no matter how small, is building the foundation for the life you're capable of living.
The guys who seem to have it all figured out? Most of them felt just as lost as you do right now. The difference is they started moving anyway, one step at a time.
Asking for Help Is Taking Action
If you’ve continually tried to move forward and still feel unable to make any progress, there may be bigger issues holding you back. Ask for help to deal with those so you can really begin to thrive is a positive, proactive step you can be proud of. Ready to stop going in circles and start building real momentum? Learn more about our story and how The Carpenter Shed community supports guys who are serious about growth and change. We can help you develop the tools you need to change your story. Your future self is waiting — and he's counting on you to start today.
